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[not feeling it] Hillary Duff’s new bangs

1 Apr

(The coloring is also TOTALLY off. Fix yo roots!)


Beauty life lessons (learned the hard way)

14 Mar

1. Don’t cut your hair. No matter how edgy/alternative/rebellious you’re feeling. Just put. the scissors. down. I’ve done this on multiple occasions because I don’t feel like spending the 8 dollars at Great Clips. I cut my hair last week and right now I look like a hot mess, minus the hot.

2. If you’re feeling particularly emotional/hormonal, don’t put on black eyeliner. Self-explanatory.

3. Only paint your nails when you are seated and have  a flat surface to work on. So not in the car or any type of moving vehicle. Also, apparently people don’t like it when you paint your nails in public spaces, because of the odor. Especially in enclosed public spaces. Also, don’t paint your nails using your laptop’s keyboard as a surface.

[love it or hate it?] Yellow Eyeshadow

13 Mar

Obviously on a super model it looks sort of stunning, but on us regular folk? I don’t know man, I just don’t know. I’m positive I would look diseased.

Big bowl of wrong

8 Sep

Ha! And by “ha!” I mean “terrifying!”…

29 Aug

This is Paula Abdul’s pup Bessie Moo…with her nails painted. This strikes me as wrong. I am not opposed, however, to dressing animals up in human clothing (I have dressed Rocky in sailor suits, dresses, hoodies). But I feel like make-up is crossing the line. Eeeeh….

Say it ain’t so

13 Aug

Courtesy of iStock photo.

Apparently, last year roughly 12,000 teens got Botox. Not for wrinkles, of course, but for “overly square jawlines” and “gummy smiles,” Salon reports. What even is a gummy smile? But perhaps the more relevant question is, what the fuck??

Botox gone awry can cause nerve paralysis, which can lead to facial droop, drooling, or slurred speech. Def not a good look.

And shame on you, Charice Pempengo, the 18-yr-old singer from the Phillepines who is to appear on Glee. Charice recently got Botox to “look fresh” when she “appears in front of the camera.” She wanted to make her face look “less round.” Little girls look up to you, god damnit!

While this is upsetting, I guess it shouldn’t be surprising: the whole phenomenon of teens doing dangerous things in the name of beauty is hardly new. And this brings up an interesting question: what’s the difference between using Botox to alter your appearance and using make-up? Aren’t they serving the same purpose?

I would argue not. Make-up doesn’t chemically alter your face. Make-up is reversible. And the point of make-up, in my opinion, isn’t to cover up or innately change your appearance, but to enhance it, to emphasis your natural beauty. Yet I’m sure many teens don’t see it this way, and turn to make-up (as well as compulsive exercising and dieting) to achieve a never fulfilled idea of beauty, as far away from their “natural beauty” as possible.

Beauty mi$take

4 Aug

Photo by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images

Molto strange

14 Jul

Italian pharmacies have pretty much everything you could ever want or need or think about wanting or needing. Yet I was still very surprised to see breast enhancing cream on the pharmacy’s shelves. Pupa, an Italian cosmetics brand, sells a product that is supposed to, when applied regularly, make your breasts rounder and more voluminous and “more elastic.” The packaging is certainly eye-catching, with a big picture of a (round and voluminous and elastic) breast. Is is it even legal to sell something that is so clearly a load of merda?

I was shocked in Italy how prominent cellulite/fat reducing creams are. And people must buy them, because they are EVERYWHERE. I don’t think there are many products like that in America. Our bullshit of choice tends to be miracle pills, probably packed with enough chemicals to kill a baby seal.

Dealing with the humidity

13 Jul

Summer means three things for me.

  1. Feeling justified in spending hours and hours of watching online television.
  2. McDonald’s soft-serve. Every. Night.
  3. The fucking humidity.
I’ve been trying to figure out ways of protecting my hair against that satanic moisture known as humidity. Remember that episode of Friends in Bermuda when Monica plays ping pong and its really humid and she morphs into a brunette Carrot Top? I could totes relate to her situation.

But I think I’ve actually finally maybe found a product that can control the beast that is my hair. When I use Fekkai Smoothing Cream I feel like I’m giving my hair a couple good doses of tranquilizers. Because it finally chills out and relaxes. I highly recommend it.

Thank you for saving my life.

Product: Fekkai Glossing Cream

Price: $23

Grade: A

Comments: I could settle down and start a life with this product. Drop everything you are doing and go buy it.