Up in the air

21 Jul

Right now I’m sitting in the Rome airport, of course all checked- in/frisked/passported 2 hours before I actually have to board. But I’d rather be early than stranded (for me there’s no in between).

Doesn’t traveling always mess with your sense of time? There’s the jet lag thing, which actually does mess up your body clock. But there’s something even about stepping into an airport—or an airplane—that’s like stepping into an alternate universe that looks a lot like our universe.

For example, ’m sitting in the dining area, its 9:30am, before most sane people wake up, and I’m surrounded by people eating pizza, big plates of pasta, ice cream, etc. So my body’s telling me it’s lunch time. Unfortunately in this universe, food costs at least 3 times what it would cost in the normal universe, and this must be accepted. Because I want pasta, god damnit, and I’ll pay what I have to. I also want a Prada bag, Dolce and Gabana underwear, and as-seen-on-television gadgets, all of which are accosting me in the airport shops.

The best part of this alternate universe, however, is that I think I look pretty swell. Thanks to the make-up counters in the duty free shops, I’ll spend at least an hour of this time I have to burn completely making myself over. Perfume, primer, foundation, blush, eye shadow, lip stuff, etc. I’m like a kid at a KFC the night before fat camp. I go cray cray.

But now I can be rest assured that I will be the fiercest one on the plane. Which is important, in the off chance that Britney is a flight attendant and I’ll be in her new sexy Toxic sequel video.

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